You are Not Born Wrong - a Detransitioner's Story

Emily Duggan interviews detransitioner Faith about how the medical system let her down and how she's rebuilding her life.

It seems to me that the detransitioners and desisters are unusually eloquent and mature for their age. Maia Poet and Chloe Cole are two that come easily to mind. This makes sense given the harm they’ve endured from a medical system and professionals they were brought up to trust. They’ve also had to, often at a young age, learn that all of the ideas that led them to transition were wrong and lose their rainbow support network which now sees them as apostates.

A recent photo of Faith, courtesy of Matthieu Zellweger.

Faith is no exception. As a detransitioner from Ontario she learned the hard way that changing one’s body is not the answer to one’s emotional or mental turmoil. In the process she gained an amazing amount of maturity and insight. With any luck, by sharing her story other young people could be spared the same difficult experience. Emily Duggan with Moms Against the Norm interviewed Faith in October. With Duggan’s permission I’m sharing a summary of the interview. Faith’s story deserves to be shared a thousand times. Stories like Faith’s have the ability to crack open the layers of fiction surrounding so-called “gender affirming care” which obfuscate its true nature and impact. Tellingly, it’s stories like Faith’s which are disregarded and smeared by activists, journalists, or anyone with a vested interest in seeing gender treatment of minors continue.

VIDEO LINK

“Gender Affirming Care”

Although it’s been covered extensively, in a nutshell what is euphemistically known as “gender affirming care” is essentially a medical treatment ostensibly aimed at aligning one’s sex characteristics with one’s self-identified or perceived gender (feminine or masculine stereotypical behaviours and preferences), which is not one’s biological sex. For minors, it usually means giving them puberty blockers, meant to suppress their naturally occurring hormones, followed by ongoing treatments of hormones aligned with their desired sex, and potentially surgeries. The most common surgery for minors is a double mastectomy for girls, or “top surgery”. Although genital surgery can be done on minors in some places in the United States, it isn’t offered to youth in Canada. Having said that, it can be completed any time after a youth reaches the age of majority, long before they reach 25 which is when a brain fully matures.

Gender treatment was originally based on one poorly done study out of the Netherlands which resulted in the so-called “Dutch protocol”. Gender treatment has since been rebuked by thorough evidence reviews and revealed to be essentially a very poor experiment in process, one in which the results are rarely followed up on. In fact, as the interview shows, those providing gender treatment in Canada don’t really seem to care what happens to the patient after treatment or whether or not it resolves any particular issue, such as gender dysphoria. Ideally, life-changing treatment which can affect health and fertility, ostensibly for improved psychological outcomes, would be tested and clinical trials would unequivocally have proven that the treatment is worth the risk.

BC Ministry of Health Still Intent on Child Gender-affirming Treatment

In Canada, it didn’t take long for the ill-conceived Dutch Protocol to be rolled out across the country in the late 2000s. Affirmation of minors’ so-called gender identity became the only health care option, and youth were inevitably pushed (or were allowed to guide themselves) towards hormone treatment and surgery. With the media around 2010 all of a sudden promoting the idea of the transgender child, the popularity of the show “I Am Jazz”, and the unrelenting wave of gender ideology-based campaigns by non-profits and lobbyists, thousands of children across western countries have fallen into trans ideology. In particular, gender non-conforming youth or those with pre-existing mental health issues were drawn towards trans ideas as a panacea for their anxieties.

Faith

Faith appears to be a victim of these society influences building steam in the early 2010s. She was born into a loving and religious family, but despite that had experienced sexual abuse in her life and began experiencing intense psychological issues while going through puberty. While these issues were being seen to by a therapist, Faith was also looking for answers elsewhere. Faith stumbled across “I Am Jazz” and discovered the idea of being trans. It was 2015 when she went to her GP, told him that she thinks she might have the same problem, and without any questions or diagnosis from the doctor, was put on the gender treatment track. With any other treatment, a doctor would ask many questions, consider treatment, and make efforts to ensure that the side effects and impacts of the treatment were absolutely necessary given the patient’s complaint. Based on current treatment standards for “gender diverse” individuals from the province of Ontario, treatment appears to be more in the hands of the patient than the doctor. The standards state “Gender-affirming hormone therapy meets the needs and preferences of gender-diverse adults.” There is no evaluation of gender dysphoria mentioned, no diagnosis mentioned at all. The lack of guardrails experienced by Faith appear to be confirmed.

Interview

Note: some wording may be slightly different than in the recorded interview.

First Steps Towards Transition

It all started when Faith was 15 she couldn’t stay present mentally and began to experience black outs. She went to therapy and was diagnosed with dissociative identity disorder around that time. This stemmed from sexual abuse when she was younger. She had also always gotten along with boys better and was a bit of a tomboy. Going through puberty made it harder and she felt uncomfortable with becoming a woman, something she realizes now was completely natural and likely exacerbated by the past sexual abuse. She also happened to see the show “I Am Jazz” around then, which is a reality TV show from the US whose protagonist is a young boy who is put on the gender medicine train and supposedly becomes a girl. The show influenced her into thinking that science could allow people to change sexes.

Faith pre-transition circa 2014.

Faith talked to her family about how she was feeling and what she wanted to do. They tried to convince her not to and told her she was loved just as she was. At the time, Faith saw their resistance as being rooted in their religious beliefs. But of course, she trusted that the treatment wouldn’t be offered if it wasn’t safe. By 15 she began to transition socially. This is what happened when Faith went to talk to the doctor:

[I said to the GP] I’ve found this idea of being trans, I think I might be. Can you help me? And instead of diving into why I felt that way, why I had suicidal ideation, they just said the suicidal ideation was because I was trans and gave me the drugs I asked for. By 16 I was on puberty blockers, by 17 I was approved for top surgery. By 18 I had been given testosterone. Because of how bad my mental state was at this time I don’t even remember most of my appointments, which doesn’t bode well for informed consent. But that doesn’t seem to matter. The doctor who diagnosed me, as per her own admission, did not even know that I had other underlying mental health conditions. I don’t know how that got missed. She either did not do a cognitive assessment or the one that she did was so superficial that she didn’t really figure it out. She knew I had been sexually abused; I was very open about that. But my prior mental health diagnoses she had no record of. They passed off being sexualized as being part of the diagnostics of being trans, which it’s not. Yes, there seems to be a correlation, but to say that’s the cause of it, not so much. [And they thought that it was] okay to rush me along without delving into that.

Lack of Guardrails

This all happened in Hamilton, Ontario, 8 or 9 years ago. As Faith recalls the situation, even the checklist that they went through with her would not have precluded treatment, and there did not seem to be any need to resolve health issues beforehand. Essentially, doctors are diagnosing young people with disorders that they may not even have (i.e. gender dysphoria which is contested as a disorder in any case) and recklessly ignoring other issues. As Faith stated:

They just let you rush yourself into it. Another detransitioner has pointed out, they’re looking for how you present, not for your actual mental state. And if you present okay in the moment, that’s all fine and good. They’re not the ones looking into the emotional side of things. They’re only looking to medicalize these kids. They were faster at getting top surgery approved [for me] than even their guidelines [state] because you’re supposed to be on the opposite sex hormone for at least a year before that’s even considered. I don’t think I had started [testosterone] yet, and even if I had I would have only been on it for a few months. So, they weren’t following their policy.

Any safeguarding from Faith’s mother was rejected by Faith. She was empowered by doctors who helped Faith manipulate her mother into accepting her treatment.

My mom would drive me to these appointments and the doctors would only let her into the appointments if I wanted her there. So, most of these appointments I was there alone, basically being coached on what to say and parrot to her so I could continue manipulating her into thinking this was ok. Anytime she did come in and ask questions the doctor would just brush her aside. They ended up weaponizing my suicidal ideation because they presumed it was because I was trans and they said, “If we don’t give this kid drugs, they’re going to kill themselves without the drugs so mom, you don’t have to sign. We can do this without you. But it’s greatly encouraged so you can show support to your child.” This is what they do. So, I go home and parrot the exact same thing and continue manipulating her and degrading her as a mother. She’s been a very god-fearing woman her entire life and she turned against her god for me. She took me to the best doctor she knew of. She loved me so much that she didn’t care what she thought was right or wrong because her baby was going to die and she didn’t want that…. If parents are dangerous then teach the parents, don’t weaponize the children. If they actually cared about the parents being a danger they already would have gone and taken the children already and given them to better homes. But that’s not the case.

Age and the lack of parental guidance isn’t the only problem with young people making decisions about serious medical treatment. According to Faith:

You can’t even get informed consent because the doctors aren’t even properly informed. They didn’t even explain puberty blockers to me properly. They didn’t know what the drugs did. For them to say it's informed consent is ridiculous.

Gaining Perspective

One of the most striking aspects of Faith’s experience is the perspective that she gained about her maturity as a teenager and how her maturation process was delayed by taking puberty blockers. Looking back, Faith realizes that as a 15 year old she was not mature enough to make life changing decisions and that that responsibility should not have been given to her by doctors.

My brain did not fully develop until I was 25 years old and it’s still stunted because of the puberty blockers. My brain is still developing behind schedule. Our decision-making part of our brain does not develop until we are 25. So, there is no way that somebody younger than that could actually understand the full scope, 10 years out.

Detransitioning

An interesting part of Faith’s history is that she has a congenital health problem she had been aware of from when she was young. When she began to have health issues because of it as a teen though the doctors dismissed the information and misdiagnosed her. This may have given her the perspective she needed to gradually become more critical of the gender treatment she had received. She realized that instead of doing a proper assessment, the doctors affirmed her own self-diagnosis of being trans and gave her drugs she didn’t need which were actually quite harmful.

Faith went off of puberty blockers because she went on birth control which was doing the same thing more or less as the medication. She slowly weaned herself off of testosterone because she started rationing it for financial reasons. Gradually, it felt right to go back to her old name and go off of hormones. She realized the gender treatment was only helping her to run away from her issues. Although she’s glad to be back to being Faith, she wonders why it had to be her that figured out that transition wasn’t the right path and not the doctors.

What Faith has learned about transitioning young provides additional perspective:

Kids are being pushed to transition early so that they pass better. But that’s not how it works. You have to go through puberty to know if that’s the right thing to do. It’s uncomfortable for everyone. They’re pathologizing the discomfort that everybody feels during puberty. 80% of these kids would grow out of it and be fine. The doctors have that information but they bury it.

Aftermath

Transition and detransition does not only impact the young person going through treatment; the decision reverberates through families. The health consequences can also be permanent.

There are no supports for parents. My mom is traumatized and still healing from that. This affects the whole family. It tears the family apart. To fracture an entire family unit, there isn’t much coming back from that. They force you to think that you are alone, that you shouldn’t tell anyone.

The health impacts of the puberty blockers are ongoing.

Puberty blockers are sold as a pause button, but the problem is because I had already started puberty, I never finished it properly. So, it was halted, went into menopause, came out of that, then had to finish going through puberty. I may have incontinence issues from the pelvic floor weakening. If I had been on them much longer I may have developed bone density issues. There are issues with people getting compression fractures in their spine. Fertility is a big thing. I should be ok but won’t know until I try.

Faith is moving on while living with her mother and working for herself. A therapist she has had since she was 18 helps her focus on finding things in life she enjoys that aren’t gender related. Importantly, the therapist does not blindly affirm but challenges Faith. The therapist has also helped her to reconnect with spirituality which appears to be helping her heal not only herself but also with her mother and family.

What We Can Learn from Faith’s Story

Faith offers some advice for parents and young people who might be struggling.

I’ve been meeting some incredible people who are going through some struggles right now because this is taking their children away. It’s heartbreaking and it’s not fair.

[Advice for parents.] If you can be a safe place where they understand that it doesn’t make a difference what gender they are, and that it’s more about their personal interests. Whether they’re a boy or a girl, if they want to learn cars, learn cars with them. If they’re into knitting, knit with them. It doesn’t matter if they’re a girl or a boy, let them do what they want. And for the love of God, if your little boy wears a dress because he's playing dress up with his sister, that’s what they do. It doesn’t mean he’s a little girl.

[For kids confused about their gender], being a boy or girl is not a feeling. That’s what they’re selling you on, is that if you’re dysphoric, it’s because you don’t feel like your gender. The sad truth is you’re not going to feel like your birth sex. That’s not how it works, you simply are that. But that’s not all you are. You are a girl, you are a boy, but that is not the only part of you, we’re multi-faceted human beings. Oh, my goodness there’s so much more to life than what’s between your legs. For the love of God, don’t cut it off!

You’re not born in the wrong body, it’s very simple. The only reason your sex characteristics matter is for reproduction, that’s it. Otherwise, a woman can do anything she wants and a man can do anything he wants. You can wear dresses, you can wear pants, you can go out and cut wood, you can drive trains, you can do anything you want. Talk about it. Because a lot of the time they force you to be isolated. Don’t listen to that. There’s absolutely no way you’re alone.

It turns out better if you wait. If you are truly trans that feeling will last. You may grow out of it, but if you don’t the surgeries will turn out better if you wait.

Final Comments

Faith’s shared critical insights into how gender treatment impacts young people from her own experience and from her experience connecting with detransitioners also understands longer-term impacts.

In the UK they banned puberty blockers for anyone under 16. They were expecting a huge, rampant surge of kids committing suicide, but that didn’t happen. Because if you actually deal with the suicide ideation and if they learn how to live as a person, then later on they can figure out whether they’re a boy or a girl. But they’re selling this lie that you can change sex, and the problem is that you can’t change what your body produces [hormones]. Even if you transition you have to synthetically suppress it, and it suppresses all the chemicals in the body, it doesn’t pick and choose. And they try to replace it with the opposite sex hormone. And we have no research on how it effects people. And we’re in the clinical trials right now. And they’re not proper trials. This is just child experimentation.

These procedures do cut your life short. There’s a trans man in the US, Scott Nugent who was born a woman, who went through all the surgeries. Has a forearm that doesn’t function properly. Gets infections constantly. The infections from bottom surgery will cut his life short. He will potentially not live to see his grandchildren. [She] was in her 40s and made that mistake. Half these kids are dying of the complications, but no one wants to say that because it’s transphobic. I find it more offensive that people care more about the emotional stability of grown adults than about the physical well-being of a child. These are physicians, who have to take a Hippocratic oath and to do no harm. This is not that. This is not careful, this is not cautious, this is not doing no harm.

[Moreover], it's proven the complete opposite. There’s evidence that the puberty blockers and the hormones actually make your mental state worse. I’ve spoken to trans individuals who say it has worked for them but they went through the process slowly and had extensive therapy. And even then, it was really difficult for them to deal with. To think that kids fully understand and know what they’re getting themselves into is ridiculous, and any adult who will affirm that blindly does not deserve to have a license.

Thank you, Faith for sharing your story. Best of luck to you in your journey.

If you or anyone you know is considering detransition, there are a growing number of online resources. Here are two:

https://detransinfo.com/

https://genspect.org/detransitioner-resources/